Northern Muse
by MrsLJG5
Summary: This is a revised version to the continuing story between Leroy Jethro Gibbs and Suzanne McNamara. She is hiding a secret, one so powerful that it brings the two together. It was sitting without a revision over two (2) years and I decided to work on another chapter! Chapter Six 3/03/16 update, entitled Coming of Age.
1. The Letter

_A/N: The following is inspired by Van Morrison songs: "__**Northern Muse/When Heart is Open"**__ and __**"**__**Steal My Heart Away**__**.**__" The notations in bold print are the lyrics and used only as a reference to emotion, musical scenery. _

Gibbs was more receptive to love, with inspiration from his girlfriend, Suzanne. His days were preoccupied with her in the forefront. Having her work nearby was both a blessing and a distraction. Their romantic connection remained a well-guarded secret during winter. His feelings for Suzanne grew more, and Gibbs' heart opened more. Those closest to him noticed a softer less-abrasive Jethro Gibbs.

**_And she moves on the solid ground_**

**_And she shines light all around_**

**_And she moves on the solid ground  
>In the County Down<em>**

**_And she moves on the solid earth  
>And she knows what her wisdom is worth<br>And she moves on the solid ground  
>In the County Down<em>**

**_She lifts me up  
>Fill my cup<br>When I'm tired and weary, Lord_**

**_And she keeps the flame  
>And she gives me hope<br>Carry on_**

One afternoon, he glanced outside the window, watching Suzanne leave the facility for class. She was bundled, grey quilted coat, boots with closely fitted cap and gloves.

**_And when heart is open_**

**_And when heart is open  
>You will change just like a flower slowly openin'<br>And when heart is open  
>You will change just like a flower slowly openin'<br>When there's no comin'  
>And there's no goin'<br>And when heart is open  
>You will meet your lover<em>**

**_ Oh, hand me down my old great coat_**

**_Oh, hand me down my old great coat  
>I believe I'll go walkin' in the woods<br>_**

Occasionally, Suzanne stopped by for coffee refills, just saying a quick hello before performing another task. When available, Gibbs rode the elevator to the bottom floor, retrieving his own coffee.

**_"When Heart is Open, You will meet your lover"_**

**_"When heart is open, it will change, it will change, it will change…it'll be a different world, completely different world… when heart is open, you will change." _**

In the early mornings, Gibbs stopped by to grab a quick coffee in the canteen setup. Suzanne arrived to work at 4 o'clock, sometimes 5 AM, and worked in solitude. Often she was alone, since she was solely in charge of cart command. They'd talked, with Gibbs assisting, lifting the heavier items.

"Thanks, Gibbs." The smile began his day easier, more lighthearted. Suzanne appreciated the early morning company.

"Why are you here?"

**_"When heart is open, it will change, it will change, it will change…it'll be a different world, completely different world… when heart is open, you will change." _**

"I'm usually awake." Gibbs responded. It was true. He often awake during the night, thinking about Suzanne. "Figured you could use a hand."

Gibbs' help allowed the two to share a cup of coffee and conversation, just he and she, without distractions of work, school or inquiring minds within MTAC. It was a small table.

"Your coffee..." He smiled, Suzanne poured. "…is an aphrodisiac."

"My special blend. It's a secret." Suzanne smiled.

"Why aren't you married, Suzanne?" Gibbs sipped on his coffee. "You're a beautiful girl…"

"I never made it through a year of dating." She responded. "I've been focused on my education instead of dating, marrying." Gibbs admired her hands, how her French-tipped manicured nails curled around her coffee cup. The steam from the coffee gently fogged her glasses. Suzanne removed her glasses, fanning them to remove the excess steam. Jethro noticed small bags underneath.

"Michael proposed, said he couldn't imagine the rest of life without me. Blame it on Lord Byron: '_Zoë mou, sas agapo.'"_

"Romantic…" Gibbs complimented_. _"My life, I love you in Greek."

"Guess we were in love." She concluded. Suzanne was visibly uncomfortable, hands and voice shaking in uncertainty. Gibbs noticed.

"I accepted on one condition: let me finish the first year of law school. He had a ring and everything, proposed to me when we came back." Suzanne mentioned, fluttered her ring finger.

"Michael agreed. He planned to work at University Hospital; I was accepted into Georgetown. We planned on living in Washington-separate places, of course."

"Of course." Gibbs agreed. "Because you're not easy…" He quoted the line which made him chuckle.

Gibbs remained attentive.

"La Senora Nora…La Reina—the Queen."

Suzanne pulled a picture from her Peace Corps days from her handmade wallet—placed it on the table. In the photo, they smiled, holding their quilts. Suzanne chuckled slightly from remembrance.

"It took me about a year to become a member of the sewing guild. Nora taught me."

Gibbs placed his hand on Suzanne's shoulder, stroked the base of her neck lovingly as she spoke.

"Rule 20: finish what you started." Gibbs stated. Suzanne nodded in agreement. "You're almost finished with the program."

"In four months…" Suzanne's smile grew. "You're actually the first man I've dated in two years."

_Making progress, Gibbs thought. _ She _almost _got married.

"How am I doing?"

"Fantastic." Suzanne touched Gibbs' hand. "I feel like I'm special."

"You are special, Suzanne." Gibbs squeezed her hand. "You are very special."

Gibbs spoke from his heart: Suzanne was very special to him.

* * *

><p>Sometimes, Special Agent Gibbs had a nighttime companion, a friend to cuddle with some nights. He agreed, reluctantly, to watch her dog, Fred when Suzanne had late classes.<p>

Fred was a canine veteran who needed a home. As a surprise, Suzanne's parents adopted Fred, a golden Labrador mix, called during the holidays to, mocking her mother's tone, "come pick up your dog..." Her doggie care days were over!

The furry companion grew to Gibbs, as his fast barks alerted that someone came into the home. Labradors had a reputation for intelligence and friendliness. The canine persona was similar to Gibbs—always alert and selective about space. Mondays and Wednesdays were Suzanne's longest days, beginning work at 3:30 for deliveries, stocking and inventory and ending at 10 o'clock, leaving a night class. Tuesdays and Thursdays were shorter shift days, allowing Suzanne to work only 6 hour days—9 am to 3pm.

Suzanne drove to the house after a particularly long, tedious evening in class and a tension-filled research frenzy in Georgetown's stacks—the law library. Fred spent the afternoon and evening with Jethro. The front door remained unlocked, and she would come inside, walking downstairs to the basement, dropping her backpack at the front door. Suzanne knocked softly.

**_The journey's longer than_**

**_I thought my love  
>There's lots of things<br>Get in the way  
>But every time I think of you<br>You just steal my heart away_**

"Come on in, Sugar." Once Fred stopped the incessant barking, he knew it was Suzanne.

"I just came back from the library." Suzanne sat in the chair. "I came by to get Fred before heading home." The dog was resting beside Gibbs.

"Spend the night." Gibbs responded, concentrating on his carpentry work. "It's after midnight—too late for you to drive back and forth."

"Gibbs, I don't have a change of clothes-just underwear in the glove compartment."

He turned away and focused his attention on Suzanne.

"I know there's an explanation for underwear in the glove compartment…" Gibbs chuckled. He walked towards her. He leaned towards Suzanne, still sitting on the barstool.

"I don't wear gloves." Suzanne whispered, that impish smile appeared on her face.

"Well…" Gibbs removed her glasses. He kissed her sweetly, tenderly. "You don't need clothes to sleep."

Suzanne smiled.

"Also, I'd like to see…" Gibbs unbuttoned one of many from her oxford shirt, kissing, unbuttoned another button to the shirt, "…what is underneath the clothing…"

"Not yet." Suzanne replied.

"Sugar…" Jethro tried to persuade Suzanne. She chuckled softly, continually saying no.

**_ Just like the sunshine after rain_**

**_I'll come  
>To be with you will save the day<br>'Cos I know  
>When I'm with you again<br>You just steal my heart away_**

"Only because it's you…" Jethro grinned. "There's an extra pair of sweat clothes in the dryer." With his eyes, he estimated her size. "I'll be upstairs." He kissed Suzanne on the cheek.

Moments later, Suzanne emerged from his restroom and joined Gibbs in his bedroom. He usually slept on the couch. That evening was a special occasion. He never allowed overnight guests, whether coworkers or lovers. No one ever ventured upstairs. She was surprised to see a very quaint bedroom, complete with handmade quilts. He tapped the side, alerting Suzanne to join.

The lights were off. Though tempted by the smell of lavender nearby and memories of simply sharing a bed with a woman, Gibbs remained a gentleman, stayed an proper distance. Suzanne slept on her side. He did, however, placed a hand lovingly on her shoulder.

"Good night, Gibbs."

"Good night, Suz."

Suzanne heard car backfire, immediately rolling out the bed. She remained asleep. The sudden thud cued Fred, sleeping at the doorway, to bark. The constant barks alerted Gibbs.

"Michael! Michael!" She called frantically. Suzanne's mindset was in the Peace Corps.

"Susie?" Gibbs muttered. Gibbs jumped out of bed, noticed Suzanne in the corner—eyes closed, swinging.

"Michael, come on!"

"Hey! Hey!"

Gibbs hurried to her side, turned on his small lamp. Gently rocking her, Suzanne's eyes opened. She looked confused, dazed.

"It's Jethro Gibbs, Susie."

It made sense. Suzanne displayed characteristics for PTSD—Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Some would classify, categorize Suzanne with the diagnosis. It never manifested in her "outward" appearance. She appeared cool and calm. Maybe—she was too cool and calm. The Peace Corps offered counseling. Suzanne declined, citing she was 'perfectly fine.' Smart-assed comments from DiNozzo improved her quick-thinking quips, masked the pain from that second Peace Corps assignment outward. Gibbs understood. Instead of talking, he held her, caressed her gently in his arms. It was needed. It was right. Gibbs gently kissed Suzanne on her lips, then her forehead.

Moments passed by, with the two remaining quiet. Gibbs convinced her to climb back into the bed. Facing the opposite direction and looking out in the evening skies from his window, she shared the most traumatic experience of her life. Not even her parents, her two best friends in life, knew the _entire_ story behind her early departure from Central America.

"Michael and two other associates visited me from their worksites—Managua, Guatemala City, and Quito—to see my community school and the quilting circle…" she began. "They took over Tikal, my colleagues held hostage….didn't like Western values when it came to educating women…I was the youngest in our group…they were insistent—hiding me in that truck…but I didn't want to leave. The women in the village hid me in the van, covered me in quilts. Nora got in that van. She was skeptical of Americans, saw American women as a threat of taking away the culture. One day, Nora saw me at the Church, praying my rosary…realized she could trust me, God sent me there for a reason. She was the village authority—whatever she said, you did!"

Gibbs remembered Michael Franks' disposition the same way. He chuckled softly as well.

"She paid the old men to drive…and drive…drive us out of Tikal into Belize, where she knew it would be safe. We finally made it to Belmopan after a week. I smelled the gunfire, heard them just shooting, saw the guerillas killing innocent people…their own people. I begged the officials to give her and the men asylum, told them how the people risked their own lives to save me."

"How did they convince the guerillas?"

"They told them I was Hondurena, that I was an _Afro-Honduro, estudiante Garífuna._" It was term meaning multicultural ancestry. "It explained my height, my appearance-how I spoke English...They got rid of my glasses, my clothes…anything that raised curiosity, anything to save my life."

"You really loved Nora...**and **Michael." Gibbs said.

"I called Nora Abuelita—Little Grandma. She came with me, lived with me in the house. Her son, her husband was killed by the guerilla forces years before I arrived. Nora said to me –'Susanita-Mi amor por ti nunca se acabara porque te amo'—my love for you will never end, because I love you." She sighed. "Then, she passed away in her sleep about six months ago. I never knew how old she was—I guessed about 90 years old... As for Michael, the last thing we said to one another was '_Zoë mou, sas agapo.'" _

The tears flowed.

"Michael never made it home; he was killed in the village." Suzanne whispered.

"Come here, Susie." Gibbs embraced her gently, large caresses on her back.

_"ποτέ δεν θα περπατήσει μόνος του." _Gibbs wiped the tears with his thumb, gently caressing her face. She only knew a few Greek phrases but immediately recognized the romantic sentence: _you will never walk alone_.

Cuddled underneath the quilt, that was the first night in three years Suzanne peacefully slept, the first in years for Gibbs.


	2. A Man in Love

_**Rule 42: Never second guess yourself in a relationship and in life.**_

Jethro Gibbs finally recognized love after many years. The only problem was Rule 12: do not date coworkers. "They cloud judgment; things become too personal." He circumvented his own rule when it came to Suzanne McNamara, the neighborhood coffee girl. Gibbs viewed the exception as bending, not breaking the rule. She worked inside the building. Technically, she was a coworker. Mary was her immediate supervisor, not Gibbs or Director Vance.

He needed the lovingly, well-meaning slap to the back of the head, a consequence for not following the rule!

Gibbs realized that Suzanne interfered with his extraordinary investigative skill set, and it was becoming noticeable to others at NCIS. His demeanor changed—from the disciplined workaholic to the mellow. Suzanne inspired to fine-tune Gibbs' Rules in the 40's. "In the direst of circumstances, only in emergencies, would the emergency rules come to play." For the stoic Leroy Jethro Gibbs, it was a crisis; he was in love.

The couple managed to keep their dating status from others at work. Outside the work environment, Suzanne focused on the statistical data course for school. Their interest almost became public knowledge. Second semester classes began, meaning Suzanne visited less for coffee run Tuesdays and Thursdays. On busier days, she created self-service stations for employees to complete food orders downstairs.

"Hi, it's coffee time." The elevator chimed, Suzanne pushing a smaller cart with carafes and pastries. "Nothing like caffeine and sugar to boost the day…"

Gibbs remained at his desk while Suzanne cleaned and replenished the break area. He watched her movement, which seemed to flow slowly, then focused on his paperwork. Her sidebar conversations with Tony and McGee picked up key phrases—as he typed.

"You know me: work, work, work…" Suzanne smiled, continuing the task. "I have class tonight—statistical data…." The past several weeks Suzanne spent free moments finishing schoolwork and not Sunday dinner.

She completed the station, invited those to help themselves.

"Those who are interested in tomorrow's lunch…" she tapped on the order slip. "I'm leaving at 4:30 today."

Gibbs remained at his desk; he rarely visited the craft table. Suzanne walked over with the carafe.

"Thank you, Suzanne." Gibbs continued reading from his computer. By accident, their hands touched. Gibbs stroked the palm with his thumb, holding it longer than a 'casual' coincidence. Suzanne did not jerk her hand away. He even dared to comment on her perfectly tipped nails.

"Your hands are soft, Suz…" Gibbs smiled. "…for someone who constantly works in water."

"Thank you." Her eyes closed, head tilted downward.

The hands were the first intimate contact Gibbs had in three weeks.

Tony noticed the two.

"Are you…flirting, Suz?" DiNozzo walked over to Gibbs' desk.

The two continued gazing in each other's eyes.

"I…need my hand back." She chuckled and smiled.

"See you later, Gibbs."

"Bye, Suzanne."

For Gibbs it was difficult to hide true romantic intentions, though both agreed to keep their personal life personal. It was not a guess, his tender thoughts pertaining to Suzanne.

'**She loves poetry.' **

He chose the line for a beginning to his ode, _Man in Love, _a line from an e.e. cummings poem he studied in high school.

"_your slightest look easily will unclose me though i have closed myself as fingers, you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens (touching skillfully, mysteriously)her first rose—" e.e. cummings_

It was the appropriate time to open his heart.

"_Suzanne, I'm in love with you. I cannot stop thinking about you…"_ He scribbled. It surprised Gibbs as well, with pen in hand and paper in his basement, surrounded by machinery and wood. Through actions, he made small tokens of affection—a jewelry box, a pencil bin. Pursuing her through word may be the way, he concluded.

'_**I'm not Byron or Keats; I hope she likes it.' Jethro thought. **_

Gibbs paused, uncertain if his love was one-sided.

_**Does she love me? Oh, well…I need to write this out. **_ Once on paper, the secret was out. Gibbs loved Suzanne. The next line he jotted down an explanation.

"…_I know what love is; love is you." _

'**Powerful…'** he thought. Gibbs wondered how could he prove—or 'qualify,' Suzanne's favorite word, his proclamation. Only once he felt the emotion: Shannon. Besides Ducky, Suzanne knew Gibbs beyond the disciplined work-ethic, the pain of losing Shannon and daughter Kelly, the failed marriages and divorces. She never laughed or made snide remarks-only listened.

"_I admire your mind…"_ he smiled. _"It's a beautiful mind. You're not afraid to show people your intelligence but you're not a showoff. "_

'**Yeah...'** He smiled at his own handiwork. She despised people who both 'dumbed' down or talked over people and made the feeling perfectly clear. Rule 11 in the Book of McNamara: use your God-given intelligence to inspire, not humiliate. Only once, he observed Suzanne in action with a patron who only spoke Spanish. It was suggested by Dr. Mallard to get Suzanne from the 'bottom' to help with translation. Others looked in astonishment as she translated and responded the proper and colloquialisms. The comment stayed with him and others at NCIS:

"Don't let my job or my quietness fool you…" It was not common knowledge Suzanne held a degree in Government and spent several years studying and working in Latin America as a Peace Corps volunteer before joining NCIS. Gibbs concluded that the summary accurately described Lady Suzanne McNamara.

**Next…her beauty. ** She downplayed her beauty only slightly, but he conveyed more than artificial. Gibbs studied the photo, his favorite one. It was nothing special, just a black and white photo of Suzanne surrounded in daisies. In shyness, her eyes closed, tightly squinted, she smiled.

'**You don't realize how beautiful you are; do you?'** Gibbs asked aloud.

"_Your smile is a confessional…"_ He paused in the writing, glancing once more at the word 'confessional,' the first word from his mind. _"It is good for the soul—comforting when times are hard, mischievous when giving a zinger or muttering an innuendo, but joyful as your toothy, natural grin brightens a day. Your brown eyes speak, dances in celebration, hides personal upheavals but mostly inspire. The glances inspire from others best attempts, best efforts from all who encounter. You have beautiful eyes."_

Gibbs noticed bodies, the delicate curves called female. Suzanne was not an exception to the rule.

"_Oh, and I have noticed your body…" _Jethro chuckled.

_My mind is tired by just trying to keep up with your long, lavish legs. They are shapely, just right in heeled shoes in the black dress or denim jeans with your tennis shoes. I admire the care you give-immaculate nails, braided ebony locks, and the right touch of makeup. You are tempting."_ Gibbs noticed the sleep clothes, his well-worn NIS sweatshirt and pants she wore whenever spending the night. They were neatly folded, sitting on his workbench. From a distance, her scent remained in the air.

"_You are desirable. Suzanne, your lavender scent entices me_…_it takes every fiber of self-control to respect your wishes. Young lady_, _I long to know exactly __**where **__you place that fragrance that distracts me."_

'_**Nah.'**_ Gibbs almost scribbled the last line, the longing sentence, thinking it was too bold. He envisioned the pinkish tone on her cheek, a telling sign of embarrassment. I'm keeping the line, he muttered.

"_You, Suzanne, are a superhero. By day, you are the quintessential Diana Prince. You hide beauty underneath the baggy work clothes, the tortoise shell bifocals and quiet nature. It is a disguise. At boiling point, you are a surprising exotic flower in winter, a hibiscus." _

'_**She is rare.'**_ Gibbs chuckled and continued with his thoughts. _"My lawyer in training, you plan to fight evil with brains. You are armed with other alluring weaponry. My hibiscus, you are appealing, attractive, and warm. " _

_**The finale,**_ Gibbs said.

"_Suzanne, I adore you." _

_At the top of the final version was in bold capital letters, Rule 43: "__**Have I Told You Lately that I Love You?" **_

With cleared mind, he placed the letter in an envelope. It helped just to write—thought of it all as cathartic.

**Hibiscus in January?! Not in DC! **Gibbs pondered the ultimate, unexpected gesture with the letter. Shannon loved roses, while Suzanne appreciated carnations. It was after hours when he drove to the floral shop and selected an arrangement. Then, Gibbs proceeded to Suzanne's house. With flowers in hand, he pushed the doorbell, waiting for Suzanne to answer. While awaiting her presence, he chanted a personal mantra: _"This is right. It is meant to be."_


	3. A Man in Love (continued)

**_Rule 47:_****_Never leave a boy out there to do a man's job._**

Gibbs conducted and spoke as a man, merely doing his job. It accompanied the mantra of "right" and "meant to be." His romantic feeling evoked memories from his Stillwater, PA days during his teens. He was a boy then—restless but focused, focused enough and determined in getting what he wanted in life. Leroy Jethro Gibbs pursued Shannon in Stillwater. In Washington, he planned to woo Suzanne McNamara.

Fred barked and scratched on the door, alerting Suzanne a visitor was on the doorstep.

"Damn!" She changed into sweat clothes—Georgetown t-shirt and matching sweatpants—between work and classes. "I'm coming!" She answered, jogging downstairs.

"Who is it?!" Suzanne only wore her glasses at work and school. She rarely had them on at home. Three things she did upon entering the door, besides greeting her four-legged kid. Suzanne removed her glasses, unfastened the watch, Fred barked and stood between her and the door.

"Gibbs." The dog's barks settled, recognizing the voice.

"Oh, hi." Suzanne unlocked the deadbolt doors, cracked the door slightly, still uncertain whether it was Gibbs. She reached for her glasses, slipped them on.

"Were you asleep?" Gibbs asked.

"No." She fully opened the door. "I was getting ready for a shower."

Gibbs walked inside and kissed Suzanne gently on the cheek. With hands trembling, he passed the bouquet.

"What's this?" She smiled, noticing the note. Suzanne deadbolt the door once again, acknowledged Fred for alertness with a head rub. "It's not Valentines' Day…my birthday was last month."

"Read it." Gibbs suggested. He made himself comfortable in the home, going into the kitchen for a drink. He fumbled around the cabinets. "Something I wanted to tell you…"

"I guess I will…" she chuckled. While standing, Suzanne opened the envelope and quietly read the note. She glanced at him.

"You don't keep liquor in the house?" Gibbs asked.

"Really?!" She answered with a slight grin crossed her face.

"I'd thought the statistics class would drive you to drink."

"Not yet. I have a beer or two in the refrigerator." She offered and then chuckled. Moments passed in silence, and her facial expression changed to shock. Her mouth, slightly opened, the eyes rapidly moved from the paper to Gibbs, digesting each word on the page.

"Wow…" Suzanne muttered.

She heard Gibbs' voice when her eyes noted each handwritten word. The key line echoed: _'Have I told you lately that I love you?' _

Gibbs chuckled, opting for water and sitting on the couch. "That's it?! All you can say is 'wow', Suzanne? I am opening my heart to you…"

"Wait, Gibbs…_Jethro._.." Suzanne's voice trembled. She joined him on the couch, reached for his hand as she offered a lengthy explanation. Gibbs placed a finger across her lips.

"Rule 46—'Never leave a boy out there to do a man's job …'" Gibbs whispered and smiled.

"I just wanted to tell you, if you've doubted... romance." Gibbs and Suzanne kissed slowly and skillfully, with him nibbling and licking her lips. She moaned softly. His excitement continued along her neck, her earlobe. Her hands grasped the base of his neck, slow caressing his hair. Gibbs stopped, cuddled with Suzanne instead. With gentleness, he slipped off her glasses to glimpse in her eyes.

"I love staring in your eyes, Susie." Gibbs complimented.

"What are they saying?"

"I'm falling in love with you, Jethro."

She nodded, admitting her admiration with a self-assured smile returning to her face.


	4. Distracted

**_Author's Note: In the last chapter, Jethro Gibbs admitted in writing his admiration for Suzanne McNamara. _**

**_The following is a continuation, with focus on the following sub items:_**

**_1. Unrequited love: Jethro confessed; why can't she admit her feelings?_**

**_2. Unexpected news: Jethro learns a secret about Suzanne._**

**_3. Unconditional love. _**

**_The writing pattern is a POV from Jethro's perspective and third person narration. While Suzanne battles with the last semester of school, Jethro's admiration grows deeper. _**

* * *

><p>Supervisory Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs was pleasantly distracted, meaning his lack of attention span correlated with his interests outside of NCIS—Suzanne. Quietly, methodically, he thought, he watched her interact with the other agents. Suzanne was good at multitasking, remaining focused and always smiling. Reasons on why he was deeply attracted and interested in Suzanne McNamara grew over weeks.<p>

_"**W**_**_e seem like polar opposites. She uses technology. I like the fact she doesn't depend on it."_**

Still reminiscing, Gibbs vividly recalled the time he was agitated, frustrated with the new operating system and protocol. She was there, clearing the setup after hours. She heard his groan in frustration, reaching for his trusty baseball bat.

_"May I?" She walked over, leaned across his desk to produce a working screen. _

Calmly, Suzanne clicked a few keys from the mouse, began typing at an above-average speed, asking Jethro the passage he needed.

_"__It's just a big box of nothing to you, isn't it?" _Suzanne responded, looking over her shoulder._ "I know, Agent Gibbs..."_ She didn't type by hunting or pecking keys. It was rapid, with eyes focused on the keyboard.

_"__There was a time technology involved pens, pencils, stationery…I'm not that far removed…"_

_"__So…you don't freak out when the Internet's out?"_

_"__There's plenty to do."_ She simply replied. "_We're too connected—society, that is, too connected to gizmos and gadgets."_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Gibbs: "<em>_If dog-sitting, occasional mail-retrieving and grass-mowing help on her long days—Mondays and Thursdays—and allowed me to have quality time, hey, I'll do it. She asked if I'd check on Fred. Of course, I agreed! I like Fred; I love Susie.__In three weeks, she'll graduate with both a Masters __and __Letter of Law Degree..."_**

"Suzanne was selected to speak at the Law School Commencement next month." Ducky shared with Jethro. "A great honor indeed when the class selects a student representative."

"Well, her speech should be interesting." I replied, pretending to work. While the good Medical Examiner joined the others at the cart, I stared at Suzanne. She caught my eye, smiled back.

**"Hey, McNamara: don't stay too long." **

She smiled, returned to her usual business.

**_Gibbs: "__She doesn't even know…"_** Gibbs chuckled as he listened more of the friendly banter. **_"…how brilliant she is."_**

_"Well, I'm thinking of selling my house and moving towards Richmond, about 45 minutes from home…"_ She informed DiNozzo of possible plans_. "That's why I'm taking the Bar in Virginia instead of DC. I might practice."_

_"When?"_ Tim asked.

_"End of the year."_ Suzanne collected money, distributed food and drinks. "_If I pass the Bar, the ceremony is in December. I got a job offer as a researcher for a law office in Richmond."_

_"It looks like you're on your way, Practitioner." Tony commented._

* * *

><p><strong>Gibbs: Another example on why I love her. During her Spring Break, she refilled the yard with annuals, weeded and fertilized her perennials. It looks amazing. Lately, I've been over to mow the grass, water a window box or wilting flower..."<strong>

Suzanne's favorite pastime was gardening, citing it was an escape from life and a gift from God, working in the dirt, sowing seeds_. _ Donned with a straw-brimmed hat with plastic daisies and bib overalls, she patiently planted, watered her garden. She insisted to work the yard alone.

"I think about Daddy when I'm out here…" She pointed to a rather tall rose bush. "You know, he bought this for me when I moved into the house…" Suzanne smiled, paused.

"Come around June, everything's in bloom…smells good outside!" Still smiling, she patiently, methodically worked the soil with bare hands.

"My oldest nephew comes to visit me, stays for a week."

"Solomon?"

**Gibbs: Suzanne nodded. Her pride and joy were her five nephews, with ages from 17 to 5. She mentioned brothers before, briefly to coworkers at NCIS. I remembered Solomon, the oldest. Suzanne proudly displayed a picture of him in a football uniform, bragged about a 14 year old Varsity player.**

"Aunt Susie was the one who said to just call him Solomon…J.R. and Savannah raised an independent, outspoken, unyielding man-child." She chuckled.

**Gibbs: It was interesting each one of the McNamaras, Suzanne included, all had "S.D." names. The patriarch was Solomon David McNamara Jr; their mother was Susan Elizabeth Davidson. Her nephews were not an exception. J.R., or Solomon Jr, Solomon D. McNamara III had four boys with wife Savannah: Solomon David at 17, Stephen Dillon who was 16, Sullivan Daniel just turned 13, and their youngest, Spencer Demetrius was 11. Sebastian Davidson McNamara was Simon's five year old son with ex-wife, also named Samantha. Suzanne loved them all equally, no doubt about her capacity to love. It seemed that Solomon, who was the fourth with the distinguished McNamara name, enjoyed Suzanne's company and begged to visit his favorite aunt in Washington.**

"Solomon could help you with the yard work now…" I suggested.

"He's helped me over the years, especially once I bought the house." Suzanne replaced the dirt in her container pots, thoroughly fertilized the plants.

"This summer, we're looking at colleges—he's thinking William and Mary for the government program—the Reeves International Relations program."

"Do you ever take it easy?" I asked.

"This is easy…" She laughed, smiled. "I cannot wait until June!" Suzanne's naturally dark hair was highlighted in the sunlight. Her glasses adjusted to the sunshine, darkening.

* * *

><p><strong>Gibbs: "Normally, I grabbed her mail from the box and placed it on the front table. Well, Fred…he distracted me. Fred noticed my truck, barked enthusiastically in knowing I was there to let him outside. He jumped…high, knocking the mail from my hand. In frustration, I placed the letters on her desk. It was hard not to notice a hot pink sticky note in her handwriting."<strong>

_"__Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body." 1 Corinthians 6:18._

**Gibbs: I invaded Suzanne's privacy by accident. ****The quote was specific in nature, something weighing heavily on her mind. Her rosary and Bible sat alongside. ****Suzanne's alive, been thinking about me in a sexual way, but been avoiding me. Why?**

**She went to Mass at least twice a week—once during the week and either Saturday afternoon or Sunday morning. It was not out of the ordinary. Suzanne went to confession and was forgiven by the Church. Her penance: daily prayer, one hour each day for two weeks. She's done it faithfully, too. It was two weeks since our last date. Suzanne has certainly stayed arm's distance after work hours.**

**Back to the dodging…or supposed avoidance. Now, a part of the explanation was true. For several weeks, Suzanne was intimate only with Georgetown's "stacks," their library reference room and her desktop computer. At work, she highlighted, flipped flash cards while working the cart. No one asked why there were index cards all over the café, taped, tacked along the delivery route, except Probie Bishop. There were hushed whispers, even a snicker or two from agents.**

_"__David, Kevin and Peter…" _Suzanne mumbled._ "Oh, that's tort!" _

"She's stressing about her finals and that Virginia Bar exam in July." Ducky informed the new agent, Eleanor Bishop, about Suzanne's successful strategies. "This is the Tort Law wing…Autopsy is the Criminal Law study wall."

"I wondered why there were index cards all over the wall..."

"It's how McNamara studies." I chuckled, continued watching quietly from the sideline. "She's been doing that the past three years." Suzanne, always with a pen, scribbled notes. She prepared for comprehension exams and her final papers for graduation.

"What's tort?" Tony asked.

"They're cases that involve suffering—whether intentional or unintentional." Suzanne clarified as she gathered items for his order. "Tort can be different from criminal law—O.J. Simpson, PGE, etc…" She finished the explanation, moved along to the next agent.

"What's her ranking?" Ellie whispered to Tim, watching Suzanne. Tony overheard the question.

"Pretty high—probably the top five percent of the class. She damn near had a conniption when she made that B in First Year." Tony sipped on his coffee. "One B—probably the first B she ever made."

"I know she made Law Review." Tim added. "I read her argument about the Owens Administration and supposed lack of gender diversity…she'll make a great attorney."

_ "__Tort's rules of law are based on five main categories: negligence, duty, breach, causation, and damages…"_ Suzanne muttered along, pushing her cart, furiously flipping through index cards.

"…Contributory, assumption, emergency doctrines, and…customs_."_ She continued.

_"Keep studying, Counselor." _

Suzanne waved, pushing the cart towards the elevator.

**Her stress over the statistical analysis course was upon learning of the panel-evaluation committee. Five individuals decided her fate. Most of her energy was dedicated to numbers, for precise formulations and concrete language, in Suzanne's words, "to qualify or refute…" It was an opportunity to speak with her. I asked Suzanne to hold the elevator, caught it just in time as the doors closed. She spoke, kept reading the notes. **

_ "__Textualism, McNamara, textualism_..." Suzanne groaned, imitating the professor's gruff voice. I was curious about the outburst.

"Translation: stick to the text. Use the information from precedents and actual rule of law for clear-cut analysis..." Suzanne leaned on the cart into the elevator. She yawned, batted her eyes, fighting the mental fatigue.

"I haven't heard that since First Year. Dr. Murchison's been on me since Day 1. And guess who I have for the Tort class?"

** I closed her books. She could hardly keep her eyes open.** "

You're studying way too much, Suzanne. After work, let's go smell the Cherry Blossoms. You need a break."** I suggested, caressing her cheek. She agreed. **

**"5:30." I whispered. "Meet me downstairs."**

"_I'm **always** downstairs_**_._" **Suzanne replied with a smile as the elevator door closed.

**I'm going to learn why she's been avoiding me. **

* * *

><p>There was an awkward silence between them, the two walking along the Potomac around nightfall, holding hands and enjoying the Cherry Blossoms in privacy.<p>

Suzanne was not prepared for romantic whispering. Her mind raced—about exams, about the research papers. She just couldn't, wouldn't bring herself to romantic vulnerability. Suzanne remembered Michael, how she loved him, how she said it without hesitation. She said yes, and suddenly, tragically, he was gone from her life.

They started dating over six months ago. The truth was she really felt something for Gibbs. He was not 'just someone she was seeing,' some random guy from the University stacks who asked for a date. He was someone she admired from afar, a man Suzanne was visibly nervous to be around.

"Suzanne, I accidentally noticed your quote on the desk..."

The lighthearted conversation stopped.

The tears welled in her eyes. Gently, she removed the glasses, dabbed her eyes with a tissue from the small pack carried in her glass case.

_"__Hey…." _Jethro stopped her in mid-walk, touched her face. He motioned for her to sit down beside, which she declined. She remained standing. Her attention was focused on the scenery.

"**_I_** don't want to talk about it right now." She scratched her fingers, a tell-tale signal of agitation.

"I have the panel comp Tuesday morning, 10 AM…Dr. Murchison has my paper on the Owens Administration…I didn't follow suit to the research based guidelines…Can we discuss this _after_ comps?"

_"Susie..."_ Jethro whispered again, with certainty and conviction his confession. He leaned towards her, an indication for wanting a kiss. Suzanne moved in the opposite direction.

"I need to go, Gibbs." Suzanne offered a kiss on the cheek.

"Aren't you tired of running?" Jethro whispered.

"Galatians 5: _But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh." _ Suzanne, shaking, voice quivering spoke softly. "I'll talk with you another time."

* * *

><p>That evening, he returned to Suzanne's home. Jethro was upset, only thinking how their last conversation ended. His rule about loose ends-avoid loose ends-came to mind. He couldn't return home, knowing he was responsible for upsetting Suzanne. At last, he admitted love to a woman, an independent woman at the right time without hesitation or force. Unfortunately, Suzanne McNamara was a challenge, a worthy challenger. She would not respond to his open heart, to confirm or deny whether or not the same feeling. As she prepared for a new beginning, so did Jethro…with Suzanne in mind. Until Suzanne came along, Gibbs ruled out another marriage.<p>

"The conversation's not over. We need to talk about this, Suzanne." For emphasis, the full name was called. She reluctantly welcomed him inside.

"All I have is coffee." Suzanne excused herself into the kitchen. Jethro noticed her books on the coffee table.

"Oh, Dr. Murch graded my opinion-based summary; A minus." Suzanne continued. "

"Good job!"

"All I need to do is remember the statistical data-base inquiry for next week's exam..." She returned to the living room with a carafe of coffee, creamer and sugar. She remained standing.

"You haven't said anything...about us." Jethro sipped on his coffee.

"What is there to say, Gibbs?" Her voice raised.

"I'm not ready to take 'this.'" Her fingers, pointing back and forth indicating the two as a couple. "I'm certainly not ready to discuss our relationship the week of my comp exams!"

"Talk to me, Suzanne."

"Look, every time we're together…I feel...pressured." Gibbs allowed her breaks while collecting her thoughts. She rambled on, showing her nervousness. Certain words he caught in the flow revealed another well-disguised layer. The word was 'inexperienced.'

"I've wanted to, but..." She was visibly upset. Jethro learned that when upset, Suzanne stammered, stuttered. "I was raised that you wait until..."

She remained quiet. Gibbs gently stroked her hair, her cheek as the two embraced. He called her Suz around others, Susie when alone, when romantic and playful. The goal was to convince Suzanne it was okay—saying no and holding onto her conviction. In fact, Jethro admired it.

"You're a virgin." He chuckled softly. "And you've been...curious about it?"

She nodded, finally admitted to the truth with a huge sigh.

"I've been distracted." Suzanne interjected. She lightly tapped on her books. "Listen, I have work to do and need to stay focused on it. So if you're looking for someone to give in...I'm not the one, Gibbs." She suggested, adjusting her glasses.

"It's not about sex." Jethro tenderly reached for her hand, gave it a firm squeeze and looked into her eyes.

"That doesn't change what I feel for you." Jethro continued, touching her cheek. He removed the glasses once again, stared into her eyes, and gently stroked her hair before moving closer for a kiss. She agreed to small pecks on the lips. Jethro's thumb wiped the tears.

"Suzanne, I can wait _with_ you." He whispered, even smiled.


	5. Obession

**Author's Note: In the last chapter, Gibbs learned Suzanne was a virgin. The confession surprised the experienced investigator and stirred some deep emotions regarding his relationship. It was not a passing fancy, according to Gibbs. The following chapter includes the following:**

**a) Jethro's dreamland.**

**b) Tony's Suspicion about the extent of Suzanne and Gibbs' relationship;**

**c) A realization**

**d) An intimate moment between lovers. **

**For artistic purposes, I did include song quotes from the Four Tops and the Temptations-"_Baby, I need Your Loving"_ and "The Girl's Alright with Me."**

* * *

><p>Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs would not describe his affection for Suzanne McNamara as an obsession. He was, indeed, fixated, interested. Once she disclosed her inexperience…his mind raced. He was restless, more restless.<p>

Suzanne invaded his dreams and left him physically, emotionally defenseless. She finally gave into temptation, the passion they shared for one another. Distinctly, he remembered Suzanne's pleas from the bed, her soft skin against his body.

_"__Oh, God, Suzanne…"_ He moaned softly in his sleep.

_You are an obsession, I cannot sleep__  
><em>_I am a possession unopened at your feet_

In his dreams, Gibbs envisioned passionate lovemaking with Suzanne. The presentation was enticing—tall, dark-eyed, and dazzling smile. Attractive was not the only adjective, being that she never presented herself, carried herself in that way. Certain situations captured her outward appearance. It was everything she gave-from her firm handshake, her intellect, and her kindness to the certain lilt in her speaking voice.

_"__Gibbs…" Suzanne whispered. Her voice deepened with each move, his name moaned once more. _

_"__Relax, Susie…" He whispered, stroking the stray pieces of hair from her eyes. "Let me…show you how much I love you." _

_There was not a question of whether he was…inside. She felt every single inch, each silky caress from Gibbs. _

_"__I love you, Jethro." _

_"__And I love you, my sweet Suzanne." _

He awoke amorous, physically alert to fulfill her needs. Jethro took a while to ready for work, thinking about Suzanne.

_"__Why are you teasing me?"  
><em>She wasn't…intentionally.

How could he conquer the real-life equivalent of a superhero, or in her case, heroine? The very thought excited yet perplexed him.

* * *

><p>His rule about secrets he kept, only telling the trustworthy Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard over coffee and a hearty breakfast at the diner. Jethro called at 5, pleading to meet him at the Diner. It surprised Ducky that the casually dressed, sensibly dressed Jethro wore a collared shirt with tie for an ordinary day with NCIS.<p>

"You're looking quite dapper. That's not your usual speed, Jethro." Ducky laughed.

"I'm surprising Suzanne after work." Jethro shared, giving a slight smile, bashful look.

"I'm taking her to Old Ebbitt to celebrate her last exam at Georgetown. She has her panel comp this afternoon."

"Very good." Ducky nodded, mouth filled with the Scottish tea, savoring its flavor.

"She's been quite busy with both work and school." Jethro nodded in agreement.

"Suzanne's been stressing out about her comp exam in statistics."

"Did you learn about why Suzanne's 'avoiding' you?"

"Suzanne's still…a virgin. She wants to wait until marriage." Gibbs sipped on his coffee, continuing to smile.

"Interesting…" Ducky chuckled. "How do you feel about it?"

"I told her I'll wait." He shook his head, his blue eyes slightly crinkled. "But it's getting hard…"

"Jethro, may I dispense a word of advice?" Ducky asked. "Don't break her heart. She's a sweet woman."

"I'm buying an engagement ring, proposing next weekend…" Jethro's confession even surprised the sturdy, rational Ducky.

"You've only been dating nine months." Ducky chuckled, reminded his dear friend the short amount of time. Judging by the deep smile, contented look, Jethro was happy, the happiest he's ever noticed. "You're really in love with Suzanne."

"She's…fantastic." Jethro's smile was the widest, toothiest in a long while. "Duck, she's smart, beautiful, fearless…" He traced the rim of his coffee cup with an index finger. Ducky nodded in agreement. "Someone…I cannot lose."

* * *

><p><em>Now, she's so good to me<br>I guess that's why I feel fancy free  
>Just to see the glow in her eyes<br>Makes me once again realize_

Gibbs tried to stay calm and cool near Suzanne McNamara. His mind wandered to the dreams while on duty. The soundtrack for their love was a mixture. Gibbs' plea to Suzanne: _'Baby, I Need Your Loving_.' His feelings summed up by a Temptations classic, '_The Girl's Alright With Me.'_

It was not a coincidence that Tony played from his computer Classic R&B, the exact songs cued as the elevator dinged.

"I was thinking about good old school music…" Tony commented.

Gibbs wanted to touch and kiss her in front of MTAC, to stop hiding his admiration and announce to everyone Suzanne completed his void. On an intimate level, he wanted to know exactly what pushed the focused law school student to the sensual creature she so carefully guarded.

'Somehow, someway, and sometime soon, Suzanne McNamara…' He thought, smiled as he watched her interact with other agents. '…you will say yes.'

_I love her with all of my heart  
>And I know we'll never, never part<br>I never heard about or caught her playing  
>I guess that's why you always hear me saying<em>

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo suspected more to Gibbs and Suzanne's banter. He couldn't help but to notice how 'nice' the boss was to her. He seldom smiled, except when she was around. Gibbs sang along with the song. Then again, his demeanor was also less abrasive with Palmer, Abby, and Ducky. Once, Tony noticed the glances, accompanied with smiles and giggles from Suzanne, didn't think much about it. She worked for tips after all.

_The girl's alright with me  
>You know the girl's alright<br>The girl's alright with me  
>You know the girl's alright<em>

"Running late, Suz?" Gibbs glanced at the clock, noticing it was 10:30.

"And Good Morning to you too, Agent Gibbs." Suzanne rolled her eyes, cracked a smile and a wink at Gibbs.

"I switched to mid-swing this week because of my exams. My last comp is at 4:00 today." It explained her clothing choice—collared long-sleeved shirt, dark denim jeans and loafer shoes. The first three buttons were free, her long neck evident to all. Suzanne simply slipped on an apron, tightening the waist to make sure she was completely covered.

"If you want to order tomorrow's lunch, now is the time, ladies and gentlemen." She tapped on the paper menu.

"Nervous?" Ellie asked, helping Suzanne with items from the cart. "Today is your statistics comp."

"I'm okay. I'm ready for the answer part of the comp." Suzanne responded cheerfully, briefly turning around and continuing set up on the banquet table. She stretched over, under and even squatted for items.

"I ran two miles today, working out the last-minute jitters." Suzanne continued the conversation; she was good at multi-tasking. Their heads followed each bounce, necks stretched with each reach. Gibbs enjoyed the view as did Tony and Tim.

"You're a runner?" Tim asked.

"Obviously, I'm not fast." Suzanne glanced down, indicating her breasts impeded a regular running schedule. "I make an attempt to run five miles a week."

_And when we're out on a date  
>Other fellows wait till I walk away<br>They try to beat my time  
>She tells them in a nice way, she's mine, all mine<em>

"She has a very nice body. Not too firm and definitely, well-defined." Tony remarked loud enough for Gibbs to hear. For the observation, the boss gave a good whack across the base of his head.

"After you finish watching Suzanne's ass, meet me in MTAC." Gibbs bounced upstairs.

"Oh, you're staring at my ass, DiNozzo?" Suzanne confronted, coffee urn with piping hot fresh coffee in her right hand. She waited for an answer. "Well, how does it look?"

"Well, the Boss was too!" He stuttered. All eyes moved to Gibbs' desk with the all too common stare at his junior agent.

_The girl's alright with me  
>You know the girl's alright<br>And I trust her with my heart, now  
>(The girl's alright with me)<br>Everyday now  
>(You know the girl's alright)<em>

Suzanne walked up to face Gibbs, as he returned to his desk. Her height equaled his in flat tennis shoes. Her hand was on her hip and eyes moved up and down. No smile appeared on her face…at first.

"Do you like what you see, Special Agent Gibbs?" She asked in a low, seductive voice. Suzanne invaded Gibbs' persona space, standing face-to-face. She remained stoic in appearance, her glasses rested at the bridge of her nose, eyes looking over the lenses.

The other field agents awaited for an answer, gathered in a corner to merely watch.

Gibbs opted for a moment of silence. He, too, remained in a stance.

"Something's going on between those two." Tony said to his colleagues.

"Suzanne likes everyone." Ellie laughed.

"Get a life, Tony." Tim replied.

"They like one another." Tony insisted, encouraging his colleagues to watch from the crafting table.

"It is very…enticing." He admitted in a low whisper.

"You can't handle it, Agent Gibbs." Suzanne smiled, whispered against his neck while pouring his coffee.

"You look nice today."

"You busy tonight?" Gibbs asked.

"Actually, no." Her hands were folded closely against her chest.

"Dinner?" Jethro suggested. "My present to you for finishing your comps."

"Are you the DD?" Suzanne surprised him, suggesting she may drink an adult beverage-or two, maybe three.

"Sure." He chuckled. "I'll pick you up around 7." Suzanne gathered the excess items and placed them on the cart. She pushed towards the elevator.

"Thanks for the view, McNamara…" Gibbs said louder.

"Good Bye, Agent Gibbs…" Suzanne laughed.

* * *

><p>As promised, it was a date—driving to Atlas, picking her up in the restored Dodge Charger and ringing the doorbell, roses in hand. She found a black maxi-length dress, high-collared neck, bare shoulders to wear for the evening's date. She looked incredible, even more enticing than ever with her braided locks were neatly gathered in a bun hairstyle. Of course, Fred was beside Suzanne once the door opened.<p>

"Hi, Susie."

"Hi." She smiled.

Suzanne invited him in momentarily.

"Hey there, Freddie." Gibbs greeted, acknowledging Fred as he sat patiently at the front door, rubbing his blonde coat. She was placing needed items into a smaller purse and searching for a pair of shoes in her hallway closet.

Fred extended his paw, waiting for a handshake—rather, a paw shake. In his suit pocket, he retrieved a bone.

"Good to see you, too, Sir." Gibbs chuckled, obliging Fred's request.

"Oh, Fred loves busy bones." She chuckled. "He'll work on that all evening!" The two watched a satisfied Fred in a corner, enjoying his treat.

"I can change into another outfit if this is too much…or too casual…"

He assisted Suzanne with a cotton jacket, gently brushing for a fit.

"You look beautiful, Sugar." Gibbs whispered against her neck in between short kisses.

"After you." Gibbs opened the front door, watching Suzanne walk away.

"Stop staring at my ass, Gibbs."

He laughed, followed behind Suzanne.

* * *

><p>The two drove to the restaurant.<p>

"So…let's talk about why you don't give it up." Gibbs was generally little with conversation, except with Suzanne. He had a tendency of making her laugh by a simple grin. She loosened up, laughed heartedly at his analysis.

"Well, if you think for one moment that dinner is an invite to the garden…you're mistaken."

"Damn, Suzanne! Why is everything I do you believe there's an ulterior motive?" Jethro groaned in frustration. "Maybe…I t you here because I like you."

"Maybe."

"How about…" Gibbs reached, gently stroked her hand, squeezed as he became fixated by her speckled eyes. "I want to thank you."

"Thank me for what, Gibbs?"

"The view this morning?"

Suzanne laughed, snorted. The comment caught her in surprise.

"That's more like it." Gibbs smiled. "I love your smile, Susie."

The look in his eyes, the sincere tone…Suzanne realized he was being truthful.

"Hey, Jethro…" A rarity in their courtship, Suzanne addressed him by his first name.

"I know how you feel about apologies being a sign as weakness…but I'm sorry for giving you a hard time."

She squeezed his hand, her smile grew wider.

"I really appreciate all you, Jethro." Suzanne rested her head against his right shoulder.

"Do you know…how much it meant to me when you shared such an intimate detail you guarded?" He moved in closer, wrapped his hand around her, covering her face with small kisses on her forehead. His fingers gently played in her hair.

"I'd love to show you how much I love you, Susie."

She laughed softly, awkwardly and turned away to face the sunset. It was an inner conflict. Suzanne listened, mostly followed Church doctrine about personal and religious conduct. Even at age 29, Suzanne's relationships with men were two. She dated boys in college. Soon as they learned her religious conviction, the relationships ended. It explained her timidness with regard to men and women. At the beginning of law school, Suzanne decided not to pursue romance. It was, for her, all about studies, deciding that love would enter when God allowed the right person.

The dinner between the two was very relaxing and revealing. An observer by nature, Gibbs' respectful manners towards Suzanne remained. He was loving, kind, even romantic. She noticed that the relationship between the two evolved to the public. No secret meetings, rendezvous in their perspective homes. Yet, they remained private at work. The eyes were telling. She'd look into Jethro's deep blue eyes, his passionate eyes, and would end he was, indeed, interested in her. Still, she was cautious about saying those three words he said with ease, with certainty.

* * *

><p>Suzanne invited Jethro inside her home. His visits were generally short, around 5 to 10 minutes and confined only the spacious living room. It was time for a tour of her home, to allow Gibbs into her heart, to introduce her passions outside school and work.<p>

"I'll brew some coffee." Suzanne suggested.

"What's that room?" Jethro opened the door to a small room behind the kitchen.

"This is my studio." The room was very bright, colorful. Neatly arranged were her drawing items—soft and hard pencils, pastels, oil paints—her sewing items and photography equipment. A number of pictures were attached with a string and clothes pin, accentuating the knack she had for photography. Most of her photos were black and white still life or traveling scenery.

"It's large enough to store my…crap." She laughed.

"You took these?" Jethro asked, inspecting the work. Suzanne nodded.

"For graduation, Mom and Dad bought me a camera and the book, '_Oh, the Places You'll Go!'_ by Dr. Seuss." Suzanne laughed. "I guess they had more of an idea about my life before I did!"

She had an easel with a portrait of Jethro, working with a smaller picture underneath. Part of the image was pencil sketched, the other painted. He was pleasantly surprised at her talent for visual arts.

"It's a hobby." Suzanne ushered Gibbs from the room, invited him into the living room on her couch. "I wanted to go to Virginia Commonwealth, major in art, but I had to be practical." She shared while preparing the coffee cups. "I figured that I could dabble in all the artwork I wanted once I had a career in law."

"They're beautiful pictures, Susie."

Jethro kissed her. He started slowly, concentrating only on her mouth, stroking his fingers through her hair. Jethro removed her glasses, undoing her high ponytail and shaking her loose curly braids.

"I've wanted to do that all day…" He whispered, the kisses leading to her neck.

Nature took its course, his hands caressing her neck, her shoulders. She returned the kiss back, easing back comfortably on the couch.

Their kisses became more frequent and led to his touches across her clothed body.

His hands caressed the soft skin. Suzanne moaned softly, slowly agreeing to his methods. Soon, the dress opened, showing Suzanne's beige-colored lace bra. His hands gingerly touched her covered breasts. Briefly resting his head against her cleavage, his tongue flicked down, his fingers easing the dress onto the floor. Her moans became louder.

"Jethro…" She panted.

Gibbs' hand just circled around her waistband of her slip. Jethro demonstrated his respect and restraint. He stopped, paused, watching Suzanne's expression.

"Do you trust me?"

Suzanne nodded, trembling slightly.

"I won't hurt you…"

Beneath the underwear he slipped one finger inside Suzanne. She moaned with a high pitch—so sensual and uncharacteristic.

"Suzanne…" Gibbs whispered. He was surprised at her mood—so ready, so sensual. Their eyes met. Hers fluttered, desperately trying to hide from him that soon, she would climax. He knew it was going to happen soon, could tell from the opened mouth, the small gasps for air as he tweaked and poked up, then down. Gibbs opted for a circular motion.

"You're so…sexy."

"Oh, God!" Suzanne whimpered. She seemed overwhelmed, confused about feelings, particularly those of a sexual nature. It was clear in her face, even her tone. She wrapped her arms around him, keeping in his pace. Gibbs muttered encouraging words—tender words—in her ears. She buried her head in his arms.

"Just let go…I'll catch you…" He whispered.

It happened so quick for Suzanne that all she heard was 'beautiful.' Tears streamed down her face as she finally descended that wave. For good measure, he threw in a soft kiss on her forehead and held her tightly in his arms. Suzanne cried softly.

It took her a while to talk, the two still entangled in another's arms. Jethro kissed her head, her face.

"Talk to me, Suzanne."

"That was…" She was embarrassed to even continue.

"Hey…" Gibbs smiled. "It's okay." He raised her head, their eyes met. Gibbs wiped the tears kissed her lips briefly.

Jethro got the message. Holding her closer, he thought to himself, heart racing, feeling hers beating rapidly on his chest, that Suzanne was driving him crazy and she was close to admitting her feelings. Jethro was ready for a lifelong commitment. He knew, behind her well-guarded façade, her focus on academics, was a woman ready for love. By piece, Suzanne's wall crumbled. Jethro opted to wait, with anticipation, for more physical celebration of their love. He chuckled at the thought that she was sexually innocent and determined that he'd become her only lover. Jethro loved Suzanne very much.


	6. Coming of Age

**_Author's Note: The inspiration came from two different sounds but one message of love. Robbie Robertson's Somewhere Down the Crazy River and Dead or Alive, In Too Deep. The following, an excerpt from the obscure Dead or Alive song from Youthquake (c.1984-1985 Warner Brothers)._**

_You have brought me a lot of things  
>But the main one that you've brought was trouble<em>

_You put your finger to the trigger and you shot my heart  
>Well now, I'm really gonna burst your bubble<em>

_I could take a plane and I could fly away  
>I could steal a car and I could drive away<em>

_But I'm in too deep, there's no getting out of it  
>In too deep, no doubt about it<em>

**_The context from the writing standpoint focuses on the Suzanne character, where she is commitment shy (reference verse—'could take a plane and I could fly away…'—fleeing relationships, steering away from heartache). She realizes that she is also in love in Gibbs as well—"in too deep, there's no getting out of it." _**

* * *

><p>"Hi."<p>

The date on the calendar was exactly a year Jethro and Suzanne shared their first kiss. He remembered, smile wide and proud and instead invited Suzanne over to his place Sunday afternoon. It was the standard Chinese dinner by candlelight at his home with pleasant surprises. Jethro's basic kitchen table had a cloth, place settings for the two. The flowers for Suzanne served as a centerpiece, though set slightly to the side.

"Gibbs..." She smiled, eyes shifted to the floor.

"Special occasion..." His hand gently lifted her chin, as a kiss landed on the forehead. "Felt like doing something special."

"Well, it's certainly beautiful."

With exams over, she anxiously awaited the results to determine her ranking in the Law and Policy Program. The Commencement ceremony planned to recognize members and the top ten graduating students from the University. Throughout her academic career, Suzanne consistently made Dean's List each semester. The lowest grade received at Georgetown was an A minus with Dr. Sorenson. Magna Cum Laude honors were a given for both schools—Public Policy and Law. The acme, the zenith of university academic achievement was _Order of the Coif_, where the top 10% receive membership in the national law school honor society for the encouragement of scholarship and advancement of ethical standards in the legal profession. By a sizable margin, Suzanne was selected to speak. It was a given. Notes for the commencement speech Saturday afternoon, however, remained unfinished and without a topic.

Certain elements described the unpredictable, dynamic year. It was pleasurable to have each other around for special moments as a friend, _more_ than a friend. _Tierra firma—_firm earth, land. That was her academic, personal and spiritual philosophy for life—solid grounding. His presence provided a delightful extension for the challenging year. Suzanne's goal was to finish the program, ready to serve on a larger scale from a time of regrowth and renewal.

"You're very quiet, Susie."

"Just… distracted." She chuckled. Suzanne was quieter than normal. Instead of devouring the vegetable lo mein, she pushed the noodles with chopsticks. In academia, she was fearless, even ferocious. Gibbs admired all of Suzanne's qualities, including her inhibition, genteel attitude in courtship. To remain preoccupied rather than obsessed with academic ranking, she agreed to perform with the Dance Troupe for a weekend performance. He occupied the chair beside Suzanne, taking bits and pieces from the containers onto the plate. With the movement, his arm gently brushed against hers. Deliberately, a reach for the steamed white rice nuzzled against her ribcage. She jumped in surprise, with Gibbs sharing a sly wink.

"Hey, I loved your performance."

Suzanne simply nodded to acknowledge a thank you, finally beginning that small portion of food.

"You inspired me…" She softly admitted.

Distraction was a universal theme, as Gibbs' mind focused more on physical delights. Away from the classroom and work, disguised behind the glasses, drab uniform was a stunningly beautiful and tempting woman. Suzanne's tilt of that long neck and sensual moan from their last date tested predetermined kissing and deep voice was enough of a stimulant. The kissing eventually led to touching—intimate touching-nights ago. He still remembered the exact tone as explored inside her body by touch. By instinct, she winced with surprise by the wiggle of a solitary finger. _Can't help it, _as he continued closer inspection via soft light. His mind flooded with queries for his girl. Some, appropriate based on personal desires.

_'Oh, God...never?'_

She nodded no. Often brokenhearted misunderstood by suitors years prior, even exploring a vocation with the Church as a Sister, Suzanne was accustomed to goodbyes from men after weeks, several months without physical contact. Sex and sexuality remained unexplored territory. She refused to discuss at great length or share personal stories.

_'Just lay back…'_ Gibbs kissed her lips slowly, his tongue weaving in and out rhythmically in her mouth. It was with Jethro Gibbs, finally, she _allowed_ a physically intimate encounter, another chance to let down her guard with affairs of the heart.

_'Oh, **God,** Suzanne…' _Gibbs eyes fluttered as her muscles contracted against his finger. _'Let me..."_

A brush of the finger, and seductively, Suzanne cried in pleasure.

_'Oh, you feel **so** good, Suzanne...'_

_'Jethro...' _

_'That's it, Sweetheart...' _Lovingly, his eyes melted with hers.

Gibbs' responses were in kisses and smiles, as his fingers directed Suzanne to orgasm her very first time.

_'__Shh…breathe slower and let it go.' _Gibbs suggested, watched as Suzanne moan and tremble. Her body naturally followed the motion, adjusting and relaxing.

Robbie Robertson's _Somewhere Down the Crazy River_ played in the background. The song only intensified Gibbs' unfulfilled appetite from the previous night.

_Yeah, I can see it now  
>The distant red neon shivered in the heat<br>I was feeling like a stranger in a strange land  
>You know where people play games with the night<br>God, it was too hot to sleep…_

Gibbs anticipated the lovemaking from close observation. Definitely, an element of surprise, mystery and intrigue he often described Suzanne as a person. As a lover? The downward glances, the soft quiver in her voice from excitement, and genuine shyness remained intoxicating instead of infuriating. That first time, he vowed, would take all night and well into the morning. Suzanne _deserved_ a lengthy introduction and lifetime journey to unconditional love between a man and woman. Jethro Gibbs wanted to whisper truthful, reassuring words wrapped in Suzanne's arms to end their first anniversary: _ 'I'll be gentle...'_

* * *

><p>Suzanne finished with dinner, decided to move onto the couch. The sunset was beautiful from his window, and the rays glistened across her ebony skin tone. The mystery remained: why she led such a secretive life? Suzanne appeared confident onstage and danced with freedom and uninhibitedness. On his mind were legs, those long, muscular and toned legs in the multi-layered thigh barre skirt and matching long-sleeved leotard. How her magnificent toes perfectly align to support arabesques or complimented in a series of synchronized turns, those legs accentuated an overall perfectly toned frame. Only God, Suzanne and to a point Carl knew exactly size, firmness on a detailed level.<p>

Gibbs was not at all jealous at her longtime dancing partner featured in the picture. He was "Carl" as in fifth year professional football player tight-end Carl Baker. He began dance with the Washington Dance Troupe off season for hobby and part of a healthy fitness regimen four years ago. Carl's arrival was much needed when the director noticed Suzanne at practice, in performances skillfully hitting the focal mark, emphasizing on the proper gesture but had unequal male partners to showcase her talent. Immediately the two complimented another, working together so well to convey a believable story into the dance world. He properly refrigerated the food and joined Suzanne on the couch.

_Catch the blue train  
>To places never been before<br>Look for me  
>Somewhere down the crazy river<br>(Somewhere down the crazy river)  
>Catch the blue train<br>All the way to Kokomo  
>You can find me<br>Somewhere down the crazy river  
>(Somewhere down the crazy river)<em>

Suzanne's guarded talent shined on stage, and it was a huge contrast from the single-word, awkward personal interaction. Gibbs yearned for the two personas to meld. General descriptions of her work-fierce, funny for the spectacular, brazen and flirtatious in individual work, and fragile, feminine with duets—a cavalcade for emotional range. The reporter penned _pure sensuality_ for the byline and summarized the spotlight dance as a '**c****_oming of age.'_**

_I'm a man with a clear destination  
>I'm a man with a broad imagination<br>You fog the mind, you stir the soul  
>I can't find, no control<em>

* * *

><p>The singer crooned the confession, Gibbs' thoughts he possessed at the time. Suzanne raised her head slightly, and their eyes met. <em>'Catching that train'<em> to places never been before eased into Suzanne's focus. Those calming, consuming, come-hither blue eyes of Jethro Gibbs had the advantage to persuade and seduce.

'_I'm in too deep, there's no getting out of it; in too deep, no doubt about it. ' _She thought as the space narrowed, with him inching closer. One hand covered Suzanne's, stroking them both softly to alleviate the shaking. The other played in her hair. Their conversations, the confessions—all rushed, jumbled together.

_'__I love you. I am __**in love**__ with you.' _

Easy to say and easier for Gibbs to admit with Suzanne McNamara. Months before, he admitted she was the _second_ woman he loved with the same intensity. Rightly so, his loyalty was to first wife, Shannon. Six, seven months was all it took to find a _second_ beloved. He did everything to woo the cautious woman.

_'__I know__** you**__ love me…or __**falling**__ in love with me…' _

He was right. Suzanne remained afraid to admit _love_. The last ingredient missing from their relationship: Suzanne reciprocating physically. Gibbs wondered if she would at least admit the same aloud.

"Happy Anniversary, Suzanne." Gibbs whispered, reaching forward, gently, sweetly kissing her with short pecks. His kiss lingered longer by a simple trick: a simple flick of the tongue's tip against her upper lip. Suzanne immediately widened her mouth slightly, enjoying, reciprocating the same intensity. Convincingly, her body curved backward as Gibbs moved forward. The song continued in the background.

"Gibbs…" Suzanne whispered.

_'__There's one thing you've got to learn is not to be afraid of it'_

"Let's go upstairs..." Gibbs suggested, breathing heavily against her ear. The invitation _inside_ his bed was not to every woman.

_'__You like it now. But you'll learn to love it later…'_

_'You love him, Suzanne.'_

"Gibbs, I…" Suzanne stammered.

"I love you, Susie…" He muttered, showering her neck with short kisses. "You are just so beautiful..."

"Will you wait for me?" Suzanne whispered, burying her head in his shoulder.

"I've been _waiting_ for you..." He muttered in frustration. With the comment was a long pause. Moments later, Gibbs simply used a finger to adjust her chin for their eyes to meet.

"I was ready to make love to you because you felt amazing the other night, Suzanne..." His thumb brushed her cheek. "It was a moment in time you let down a wall and invited me into your life."


End file.
